Day Shift

Quote of the Day: “No, no, no you can't do that. I have nothing against strip clubs, but noon on a Monday? Day shift at a strip club ... you can't un-see that.”

Jack LaLanne

Quote of the Day: "In honor of Jack LaLanne I just juiced four breakfast burritos. R.I.P."

A Great Day

Quote of the Day: This was one of the first updates I read this morning from one of my friends on Facebook, who has just had hip surgery. "Fell off the toilet ... gonna be a great day!" Kinda sad but funny.

Corn

Quote of the Day: “Dude you puked up corn and you didn't even eat corn”.

Headache

Quote of the Day: Woman: “My head hurts ... I've got a little bit of congestion and it feels like my spine has been severed.” Man: “A couple aspirin should take care of it?”

Nice Bag

Quote of the Day: “Honey, dinner was great.” Woman: “Yeah … it was from a bag.”

Santa's Workshop

Quote of the Day: "This place looks like Santa's Workshop, except it smells like mushrooms and everyone looks like they want to hurt me."