Royal Moose

Quote of the Day - Me: "Hey Dad I didn't know your club was the Royal Order of the Moose." Grandpa Dave: "It's more like the Royal Order of the Dump."

Dietician

Quote of the Day: Grandpa Dave - "Saturday I had a 300 lb Dietician come over to house to tell me to eat more turkey instead of bacon ... I just laughed."

Pretty Girls

Quote of the Day: Grandpa Dave - "There's nothing better than a pretty girl ... except maybe two pretty girls."

Sandpaper

Quote of the Day: "I'm not being the one overly sensitive here." Says the sandpaper to the wood.

Doggie Laxiative

Quote of the Day: “Have you ever noticed that fresh cut grass is like a doggie laxative?”

Cancer Sucks

Quote of the Day: While visiting with a neighbor who's been sick with colon cancer. Me: “So your tractor is fixed and all set.” Neighbor: “I need to go to the bathroom and I don't know if I'm gonna make it.” Me: “Would you like me to leave or do you need some help?” Neighbor: “Too late.”

Belly Shirts

Quote of the Day: About the TV show Charmed. “This show has the worst special effects ever … but the girls wear belly shirts so I still watch it.”