Strainers

Quote of the Day: During a fishing trip with a buddy that was dealing with an acute case of irritable bowl. Big John: “If this keeps up I might have to change my underwear.” Bill: “John at this point they're not underwear … they're strainers.”

Who Died?

Quote of the Day: While talking to a friend that has called me often recently to deliver bad news. Duran: “ I hate that every time I call you it's to tell you that someone has died.” Bill: “Well the good news is, when you call, the person that died can't be you or me.”

Stress

Quote of the day: "Right now my stress level is at a 10, but fortunately I have medication to deal with that."

Double Chin

Quote of the Day: During an interview with Ozzy Osbourne Pt. 2. Howard: "Ozzy I hear that you had plastic surgery to get rid of a double chin?" Ozzy: "I had to ... I had more chins than a Chinese phone book."

Driving Test

Quote of the Day: While listening to an interview with Ozzy Osbourne. Howard: "Ozzy it took you 19 times to pass your drivers test?" Ozzy: "Yeah, well I showed up loaded two or three times ... and two other times the guy wouldn't even get into the car."

Pike

Quote of the Day: A couple hours after I heard the story that my buddy Dave “Cowboy” Snyder dropped his phone in the lake while on a fishing trip. “Cowboy, I called your phone and a pike answered.”

Cheese

Quote of the day: While talking about the greatness of cheese. "I've discovered that most foods are just a vehicle to deliver melted cheese."

Burp?

Quote of the day: As overheard by a young woman questioning her boyfriend. "Oh my god, did you just burp or fart?"

Change in the air

Quote of the Day: Grandpa Dave: “I think we have a storm coming.” Me: “How can you tell, you're knees hurt?” Grandpa Dave: “No, every time the weather starts brewing I get the Screamin' Demons.”

Offering

Quote of the Day: (As I'm letting the dog outside). Porter: "What are you doing?" Bill: "Letting the dog outside so he can leave his offering to the duty gods."

Rough Night

Quote of the Day: After showing up to dinner looking very rough my sister was not all that excited about Grandpa Dave's appearance and made a couple comments voicing her disappointment. Grandpa Dave: “Well what do you want to do … punch me or kiss me?”

Wild Boar

Quote of the Day: This quote was part of a conversation overheard about car insurance. Woman: "You know, my sister in Wyoming pays $170 more a month than I do for the same insurance here in Michigan? I wonder why it's so high?" (After a pause to think about possible reasons) Woman: "I know ... I bet it's because of all the wild boars out there."