Panic Shower

Quote of the Day: Overheard during a conversation about a guy who's morning spiraled out of control. Todd: “I was in a full blown panic attack in the shower and couldn't catch my breath.” Ron: “What's the matter is your shower on a hill?”

Once upon a time after the bar

Quote of the Day: This was a conversation Porter and I had while leaving a local 24 hour grocery store called Meijer. Bill: "I have a great story about going to Meijer one time after the bar." Porter: "I don't think I've ever spoken the words 'one time after the bar.'" Me: "Hell, some of my best stories have started with 'one time after the bar.'"

Executive Branch

Quote of the Day: Todd is a heart attack survivor and was talking to his friend Ron about his phobia's. Todd: “I tell you what's really driving me nuts this week ... Cheney's 5th heart attack and Bill Clinton's two stints.” Ron: “What ... do you see yourself as part of the Executive Branch? What do you have in common with these two achievers?”

Eat like a bird

Quote of the Day: Overheard at dinner. Woman: “These are not the things you say if you want romantic dinner conversation.” Man: “Well, what should I say?” Woman: “How about, 'You eat like a bird.'” Man: “Yeah a Pterodactyl.”

Musty

Quote of the Day: “You smell musty … it's like someone poured water into an attic.”

Green Egg

Quote of the Day: “The Green Egg Grill is amazing … it changed my life … I'd cook cereal on it if I could.”

Nose Driving

Quote of the Day: "I figured out today, it's not a great idea to blow your nose with driving."

Breeder

Quote of the Day: "My nose has been really stuffed up recently, so I've become a mouth breeder ... I mean breather."

Ear Plugs

Quote of the Day: "I think I breathe through my ears! I put some ear plugs in the other day and I had a hard time getting oxygen."

Laid-off

Quote of the Day: As spoken by a friend of mine to his three kids (6th, 8th and 10th Graders) at the dinner table right after he was laid-off from his job: "Listen everybody, money's tight so we are gonna have to make some changes ... your mom and I are gonna have to let one of you go."

Curling

Quote of the Day: “Women's Curling would be much more interesting if their uniforms were like Hooters Girls.”

Washington

Quote of the Day: George Washington - “Associate with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation; for it is better to be alone than in bad company.”

Tiger

Quote of the Day: “Happy Chinese New Year! The year of the tiger ...and I'm still writing 'ox' on my checks.”

Kittens

Quote of the Day: First things this morning Porter greets me with this. Porter: “I had dreams last night about soft fuzzy kittens.” Bill: “So did I.” Porter: “What were you doing ...drowning them?”

Facebook

Quote of the Day: “Why is it that every great quote you have is too dirty for Facebook?”

Pretty Snow

Quote of the Day: Porter: “This isn't a snow storm, I want a huge storm with pretty snow like in D.C.” Bill: “I tell you what, why don't you shovel the driveway for a while and tell tell me how pretty it is.”

Snow Storm

Quote of the Day: “Snow Storm? It's not a real Snow Storm unless the snow is deeper than a penis is long.”

Old Person

Quote of the Day: "Inside every older person is a younger person ... wondering what the hell happened."

Bread and WIne

Quote of the Day: “After we've had our fill of bread and wine will shall tell tales of other times we had our fill of bread and wine.

Book Club

Quote of the Day: Bud Light Commercial. "Awesome, good times, I love Book Club ... I'd like to hear you read some words."

Birthdays

Quote of the Day: “Don't worry about getting older, because if you're not having birthdays … you're dead.”

Theory

Quote of the Day: Grandpa Dave: “If you've ever wondered if you can burp and fart at the same time my testing has confirmed this theory.”

Wine

Quote of the Day: “I like wine … wine is what I drink on nights when I'm not drinking.”

Dr. Drew

Quote of the Day: “Is it wrong to prepare to watch Dr. Drew's Celebrity Rehab by opening up a bottle of wine?”

Cholesterol

Quote of the Day: While discussing a healthy diet. “I've decided my favorite food is cholesterol.”

Window

Quote of the Day: Spoken as people kept walking in front of the TV. "You are many great things in life ... a window is not one of them."