Royal Moose

Quote of the Day - Me: "Hey Dad I didn't know your club was the Royal Order of the Moose." Grandpa Dave: "It's more like the Royal Order of the Dump."

Dietician

Quote of the Day: Grandpa Dave - "Saturday I had a 300 lb Dietician come over to house to tell me to eat more turkey instead of bacon ... I just laughed."

Pretty Girls

Quote of the Day: Grandpa Dave - "There's nothing better than a pretty girl ... except maybe two pretty girls."

Sandpaper

Quote of the Day: "I'm not being the one overly sensitive here." Says the sandpaper to the wood.

Doggie Laxiative

Quote of the Day: “Have you ever noticed that fresh cut grass is like a doggie laxative?”

Cancer Sucks

Quote of the Day: While visiting with a neighbor who's been sick with colon cancer. Me: “So your tractor is fixed and all set.” Neighbor: “I need to go to the bathroom and I don't know if I'm gonna make it.” Me: “Would you like me to leave or do you need some help?” Neighbor: “Too late.”

Belly Shirts

Quote of the Day: About the TV show Charmed. “This show has the worst special effects ever … but the girls wear belly shirts so I still watch it.”

Pretty Face

Quote of the Day: Woman: “Is there something on my face?” Man: “The only thing on your face is pretty.”

Get Your Buzz On

Quote of the Day: Our neighbor came over and gave me an update on her child that was sick and in the hospital just a day ago. “She's doing better, we spent last night in the hospital, they said she has Pneumonia. You see how small she is? The Doctors say she needs a Thyroid transplant … Hey we're going to cook some steaks and get a 'Buzz On' if we you want to come over you are more than welcome.”

Wisdom of Fly Fishing

Quote of the Day: A buddy of mine explains fly fishing: "It helps to remember that this is a game of long bouts of failure spotted with intermittent successes realized for no apparent reason."

Chicken Vindaloo

Quote of the Day: Overheard at the India restaurant. Woman: “What is that on your shirt?” Man: “Hmmm, it's either Chicken Vindaloo or a booger. Pretty tasty whatever it is.”

How'd that get there?

Quote of the Day: "I've spilled a lot of things on my shirts over the years, but can someone explain how did I got peanut butter on my shoulder?"

Day Shift

Quote of the Day: “No, no, no you can't do that. I have nothing against strip clubs, but noon on a Monday? Day shift at a strip club ... you can't un-see that.”

Jack LaLanne

Quote of the Day: "In honor of Jack LaLanne I just juiced four breakfast burritos. R.I.P."

A Great Day

Quote of the Day: This was one of the first updates I read this morning from one of my friends on Facebook, who has just had hip surgery. "Fell off the toilet ... gonna be a great day!" Kinda sad but funny.

Corn

Quote of the Day: “Dude you puked up corn and you didn't even eat corn”.