Uncle Bill

Quote of the Day: Today's quote comes from some quality time spent with my little niece Chloe. Chloe: "Uncle Bill, I want to write you a letter." Uncle Bill: "That sounds great, what are you going to write in your letter?" Chloe: "I don't know." Uncle Bill: "Well why don't you start with this, 'Dear Uncle Bill, I want to give you all my cash." Chloe: "O.K.!"

Scotty Brown

Quote of the Day: After being laid out like a rag doll while playing basketball by our 6'6" 220lb friend Chris ... my nephew Scotty who's almost 5' and maybe a little over 100lbs soaking wet was given some advice. Uncle Paul: "Scott, it might be a good idea for you not to try and guard Chris." Scotty: "What ... he's not gonna score on me."

The Picture

Quote of the Day: While sitting around during Christmas. Daughter: "I want that picture." Mother: "Well you can have it when I die." Father: "You make sure to take it then baby, because my 2nd wife might not like it."

Fresh Air

Quote of the Day: While listening to Porter's father tell stories about the old days. "Then there was Mr. Wilson ... he was a neat freak. He was so bad that he would even change the air in his tires once a week."

Christmas Food

Quote of the Day: After eating some holiday food. Porter: “All this food can't be good for us.” Me: “You're gonna die of something … it might was well be Christmas.”

Hit On

Quote of the Day: John: “I got hit on once by a guy in a truck stop bathroom in S.C.” Me: “I've never been hit on by a guy ... I must not be their type. That's kind of depressing on some level.”

Truck Stops

Quote of the Day: “I like truck stops … they are like watering holes for all the weirdness that ever gets behind the wheel of a car.”

Hobo

Quote of the Day: I found this great text while surfing the internet. It's a good one, so enjoy. "Considering last night's endeavors, I'm going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it again while sober.

Christmas Countdown

Quote of the Day: This quote was adopted from a quote by my friend Allan Gibbs. “Nine days til Christmas … eight days til I start shopping.”

November Pumpkin

Quote of the Day: After seeing an older woman in a bikini with a great body but a less than attractive face. My buddy Big John: “Wow, did you see that?” Me: “I sure did, she had a great body, but her face was a ugly as a November pumpkin.”

Hooter's

Quote of the Day: While Grandpa Dave was paying the bill after lunch at Hooter's. Nephew: "Grandpa Dave are you gonna give that waitress a big tip hoping she gives you her phone number?" Grandpa Dave: "I might as well, I can't dance and it's too late to plow."

Buffet

Quote of the Day: Discussed while cleaning up after a family dinner. Me: "Where does this serving spoon go?" Porter: "It goes in the buffet ... don't you know what a buffet is for?" Me: "The only buffets I know about cost $7.99 per person."

Vegetarian

Quote of the Day: As overheard at the family dinner table. Grandpa: "Chloe would you like a cracker?" Chloe (5yrs old): "No thanks Grandpa, I'm a vegetarian."

Crocs Store

Quote of the Day: Overheard at the return counter of the Crocs Store - " Exchanging these shoes is taking longer than my dad's lung transplant surgery."

Christmas Glitter

Quote of the Day: After putting up the Christmas Tree I noticed glitter all over the floor. Porter: "I'll clean that up in a minute." Me: "No, don't clean it up ... I like it. It looks like a stripper exploded."